That’s me. The Relationship Whisperer… Well, more like the Relationship “Hit-em-over-the-head” er.
But everyone needs their own personal relationship whisperer, to help stop them from committing the cRaZIeS every now and then.
If you are a single lady, or know any, hang out with me here for a bit, and I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.
Allow me to share a little example of my Relationship Whispering at work, to prove what a STUD I am, before you pass judgement. After said example I’ll share some beautiful jewels of ageless wisdom.
A friend of mine, Glitter Nails, is in the early stages of a “situation” with a guy she actually likes more than her new manicure (the manicure with glitter and little cartoon characters on alternating nails).
We texted about her situation, because she felt her guy “Cutie” was acting “different” or distancing himself the night before. We spoke on the phone at first… but then I was telling M.C. Nugget about it, and he reminded me of some great points… So, here is my text conversation with Glitter Nails below:
Know why she simply replied “Thank you!”? Because I’m right! Damn straight! But keep reading. The inspiration continues … also there is a typo a little ways down… but just keep reading…
Just so you know, the part above that says “totally secure and. Oil okay with that” is suppose to say “totally secure and totally okay with that“. My iPhone and I are at the intersection of Love and Hate right now… It’s a bit of a crossroads where I keep trying to figure out how not to throw it out the window, and it keeps trying to learn not to misspell, but fails constantly.
A sure sign of any “whisperer” of sorts, is when the subject begins to feel empowered and capable of doing what’s necessary. Glitter had the right idea there when she said “Just going to leave it alone.” So, of course I continued…
Her response was simply “Thank you – you are right.”
I rest my case.
Now listen up ladies (and gents, if you happen to know someone to share this with). I’m about to unleash some nuggets that could change your life. I’m not kidding.
To sum up this and a myriad of other dating situations between men and women, here is how you ladies should behave if you want to attract the best friend who is worthy of being in your life:
1) Maintain your awesome, fun, incredible life regardless of how much a guy wants to see you – even at the beginning. If you get sucked into a day and night, constant phone calls and texting situation, it’s okay. Just remember and continue to remind yourself that this is only preliminary and temporary… He WILL move on from this at some point. He ALWAYS does.
2) Until you are actually IN a REAL relationship, and you’ve had the conversation about dating exclusively… well, let’s face it. It’s anything but exclusive, so all bets are off baby. Keep your dating card open and scheduled, even if it’s with guys you don’t necessarily want to date long term. Keep yourself BUSY and distracted. If you do, it will help you with so much more than you can imagine, and if you don’t, you’ll be in danger of pining, thinking, wishing and wondering during your idle time. And for what? Remember… You are AWESOME & INCREDIBLE… which brings me to #3:
3) Keep reminding yourself of your sky high value – your awesomeness – and of the AWESOME-SAUCE life you are building for yourself. Do NOT get stuck in the imagination rut where you picture all the other pretty girls he is probably talking to or dating.
Admit it. Every one of you single ladies, when suddenly not in touch with Mr. Lover Boy, envisions him out sailing on a yacht flanked by hot chicks, drinking and dancing the night away with a slew of other women. That, or at best, you’re taking on his martyrdom, making excuses for and enabling him to be a sad-sap because of a broken home, divorce from five years ago, or whatever… Women are too good at making allowances for a guy’s difficult life… When in reality, if you actually spent all that time and energy working on becoming the finished product you want to be, and reminding yourself of all of the incredible traits that make you beautiful – you wouldn’t have the time or inclination to imagine anything about him. Or better yet, when you do go down the road of imagining his world, you will recognize that bad habit early on, and bring it to a screeching halt.
Now, just for giggles here are some other things that will empower you on the road:
a) Don’t be the first to reach out. When you go a few days without the communication you’re accustomed to, DO NOT be the first to reach out. When he does reach out (and he will), go back to #3 above and remember how awesome you are, and think about your cool, busy, mover-and-shaker life (or of how it will one day be that way, because of the YOU you’re developing now). Then, don’t answer his call right away. LET him leave a voicemail. If he doesn’t leave one, LET IT GO. Don’t call back from a missed call right away. Don’t text him back. Make him wait.
This is not a game with him… I SWEAR.TO.GOD he isn’t even thinking about “it.” You can call it a game you have to play with yourself if you want – but it’s really just a new discipline you are practicing for YOU. You’ll need to do this until you learn to respect yourself too much to be willing to JUMP at the slightest hint of attention from Mr. Lover Boy. Don’t respond for at least four hours the first time, and try to work up to a day or two. Even if he called and didn’t leave a message. It was probably a pocket dial anyway. Sorry, I’m merely whispering the truth here.
b) You are a happy, welcome breeze to him. When you do call or text him back, keep it upbeat. No, I don’t mean in the 1950’s outdated, outmoded housewife sense. I mean, don’t be a friggin’ DOWNER. Do NOT use this as an opportunity to express your worry during the time he was out of touch, or to get whiny or weird, or ask him if you can get together. Remember, you’ve been so busy tending to your awesome, incredible life, and changing the world in the process, you really hadn’t even noticed that “Gee!! Has it really been since last Sunday that we spoke? No way!” Plus, you too are seeing his call or email (whatever) as a welcome breeze that came in to distract you away from your crazy empire. DO that for yourself. You’ll actually begin to believe it ladies. I promise. You won’t actually say you’ve been so busy building your empire (or business, or attending countless events, whatever). You don’t want the guy to feel less than you, while you’re learning this new discipline. You might simply say “Hey there! How are you? It’s great to hear from you!” And if in his upbeat and awesome way he says something about how he’s just been too busy to call, etc… Don’t even address it. Move on and say, “So, how’ve things been going?” Maybe follow up on a project or event he shared with you in the past.
c) Do not accept a same-day invitation. Remember: Just because he is busy, and can’t be expected to call you every moment, doesn’t mean that isn’t true for you as well. This is true even if you’ve been hoping/wishing/waiting for that call or invitation. You’ve got “things” to do. You are busy. Even if “busy” means you’re filing your nails, by god, you are BUSY, dammit. He doesn’t need to hear from you that he should plan in advance… A few “no” answers because he keeps inviting you out at the last minute will be all he needs to get a clue. If he doesn’t get it from that, either he simply IS too busy for you, and isn’t the right guy, or he’s too clueless to be worth your time. If you are doing #2 in that section above… remaining distracted while this guy gets a clue, I guarantee you that if Mr. Lover Boy isn’t all he’s cracked up to be, you’ll merely be free to notice someone who is.
You’ve just been *whispered* to people. Don’t miss the gems when they come.
Enjoy your week you gorgeous people!
Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!
xoxo,
Ms. Cheevious
aka Lisa Jey Davis
Editor in [Mis]Chief
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MsCheevious
Ms. Cheevious is the alter-ego of Lisa Jey Davis (former publicist, and television talent manager, current award-winning writer & author, & health and fitness pro). Though Ms. Cheevious has become known for humor via the blog and social media, offering a lighter and brighter look at life… the blog was originally a precursor to Lisa Jey's long overdue book "Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood" which offers a fabulous, funny peek into what really goes on behind the scenes in Hollywood… a Hollywood with Lisa Jey and her funny “serendipities” in it. Think Lucille Ball meets Chelsea Handler meets the girl next door (with a little chocolate and vodka). It depicts with hilarity the innocent mistakes Lisa Jey made when launched back into the big, bad single jungle, as an unassuming single-mother in the City of Angels. It’s also about the beautiful, interesting life she led while her loving, incredible sons kept her grounded and sane amid fantastic events, new friends, parties and field trips. It also shows the turmoil and heartbreak that comes with dating and single mom life. All blog content © 2015 Ms. Cheevious aka Lisa Jey Davis
Damn! You are the best relationship whisperer ever. Problem with most people is they need to believe their awesomeness is real and need more than a whisper but a shout loudly in both ears. LOL Great post. I am going to print it out and tape it to my computer. xoxo
LOL thanks Melanyb! I’m glad it can be of use! 🙂
Great post: Though I will add one nugget… I’ve found that when you’re dating guys like the above, it’s sometimes so hard (there’s so much thinking and playing on our end… the what ifs are maddening). But, when you find the right one, it suddenly becomes VERY EASY. I promise you. It’s like finding the right house – you may look at 100 of them and suddenly you walk in and WHAM – it’s it. It just feels right. Use the advice above, stay true to yourself, remember your value always, stay busy and when it’s suddenly easy and all that thinking disappears … then I say GO FOR IT! 🙂
Thanks Elyse. Actually, my point wasn’t to say that Glitter’s guy was difficult or required hard work. It’s that women do have to learn new patterns in my opinion… At least the majority of them. And sadly, I don’t believe the “right guy” will just prove to be that easy – especially as people get beyond 30 … they have established a strong case for what makes them happy, and often confuse things when a good thing does come along. But really the point is that women often see a relationship as the goal and the end all be all… and not something that will happen if it happens… which should be the case. Women should be taught to “work this hard” and apply this stuff to every situation in life – jobs, friends, etc….. BUT – as you say, if they learn these disciplines and they become second nature, the good ones will rise to the top, and they can choose to go for it!
You forgot to mention this works with the guys you DON”T want too.
AHA!!! You are SO RIGHT Onisha!! Thanks love!
There is MUCH TRUTH in this ladies…… Oh, and I noticed below in a comment Elysa added a “nugget”…. Thanks 😉
M.C.
HEH HEH M.C…. always finding your way into my blogs… lol Thanks lovey!
Relationship games are so exhausting. Even the guys who say they aren’t playing them really are.
haha Well I am telling you @rebekahlyn:disqus – these are practices women should put to use in EVERY area.. not just in relationships. They ought to do the same things for potential jobs, homes, items they are shopping for, LOL See a trend here? LOL
What great advice missy! xo
thank you lovely! xoxo
From the perspective of 52 years into a marriage (“… for better and for worse…”) all this sounds like so much fly-fishing instruction. What is the REAL LONG RANGE goal of the relationship game in 2013: security, family, patronage, comfort, commitment, etc.? Methinks thou art limitedly opportune. Sorry.
Eaeme… not sure what you mean, but the goal isn’t the relationship. The goal is loving your own life, and not worrying about the guy… the tasks and practice drills are to begin good habits… to get women OFF of being so obsessed.
Preach it Sista!
ooo yeah – you bet